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You Are Here: Gangway :: Tributes, Parodies & Satires > Poseidon: The Musical
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| Poseidon: The Musical
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Certainly, there have been musical tributes to, and spoofs of, The Poseidon Adventure — but no one in recorded history ever wrote, performed, or even suggested such an idea before Mount Poseidon's own Bob "Bistah Bahb!" Larsen on March 10, 1999... which (for better or worse) inspired your Captain compose some of the following "sung-to-the-tune-of" lyrics (a la Frank Jacobs).
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| Poseidon: The Musical: Belle's Plea to Rev. Scott to Let Her Swim the Flooded Passage
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(sung to the tune of "There Are Worse Things I Could Do" From Grease)
There are some things I can't do
Like slip on a size-four shoe
But although the passengers think I'm flabby
And no use
Constant object of abuse
I suppose it could be true
But there are some things I can do
I can swim through flooded halls
'Cause I'm made to bounce off walls
So what if I've gained some weight
It's not like we're on a date
Now stand back and let me through
I could stay behind and die
Lose my chance to make you cry
After proving all my worth
Pay no attention to my girth
Just watch what I can do
I'm as strong as any man
Though I'm no Ms. Peter Pan
And I know I'm moving toward
An Academy Award
It's my third, so feh! on you
'Cause to make sure we get through
I'll reveal all to you
Copyright © JR, March 11, 1999 |
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| Poseidon: The Musical: Survival from Two Perspectives
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(sung to the tune of "Under the Sea" from The Little Mermaid)
Scott sings to the skeptics in the dining room:
If you want to go for boat ride
See that you stay on starboard side
'Cause port and up top they all died
Don't make that big mistake
Just look at the dead around you
The water, she come surround you
What, mon, is you waitin' for?
Under the sea
Under the sea
It's no mo' better
It's getting wetter
Come follow me
Up on that Christmas tree we go
Come, Mister Rogo, grab your ho'
We goin' swimmin'
With sexy women
Under the sea
Cut to shot of dismayed cooks flying around the tumbling kitchen — and singing:
Down here don' wanna be a bosun*
Stewards all die in this shipwreck
End up just like Mrs. Rosen
Expendable extras, like on Star Trek
But if your name's above the title
You will escape a wat'ry grave
It mean your presence it be vital
Just never play a galley slave
Under the sea
Under the sea
Got to get set now
Gonna get wet now
Take it from me
Don't matter if you play Ter-ry
You end up dead like Ted Par-ry
Our billing will mark us
For death like Linarcos
Under the sea
Under the sea
All stewards are used
Discarded, abused
Ar-bi-tra-ri-ly
Closeup on Acres, see his knee
It show you this is not Dis-ney
Just like Titanic
You gonna panic
Under the sea
* bosun = the phonetic (and acceptably alternate) spelling of
"boatswain"
Copyright © JR, March 11, 1999 |
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| The Morning After (Pill) Song
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Inspired by Kari Prince, who in 2000 wrote: "I just saw a preview to this week's T.V. show, 'Felicity'... A girl is complaining that she can't get the 'morning after' birth control pill from her local pharmacist, and other students take up her protest, and what do you think their slogan is? Oh yes. THERE'S GOT TO BE A MORNING AFTER. ..."
(sung to the tune of "The Morning After," of course)
There's got to be a drugstore somewhere
Or this will be too short a date
We had the chance to buy some... you-knows
But now it looks like it's too late
Oh, can't you see I'm getting randy?
I'll never make you understand
You need to keep some extras handy
They're not exactly contraband
I just won't bonk
Without protection
And I don't mean from God above
Don't feel so bad
It's not rejection
I always say: no glove, no love
I guess you'd better take me home now
Over the dashboard, I see light
It's not the cops — it's just the sunrise
I guess I'll take a raincheck
When you're prepared to spend the night
Copyright © JR, April 7, 2000 |
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| One More Disaster: The Surefire, Oscar-Winning Airport Theme Song
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(sung to the tune of "Leaving on a Jet Plane")
All my bombs are packed, I'm ready to try
To blow this bird out of the sky
To Heflin, Hayes and Wynter, say goodbye
[refrain]
I'm bombing this big jet plane
My one shot at fifteen minutes' fame
Yeah, babe, we're set to blow
Lest you think this act of mine is vile
All the guest stars are goin' out in style
Death is so much better than ending up on Fantasy Isle
[refrain]
Now, ironically, my one regret
Is that Karen Black's not on this jet
I could straighten out her crossed eyes if I tried
[refrain]
Copyright © JR, January 20, 1999 |
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PoseidonAdventure.com All logos and trademarks are property of their respective owners. Excerpts used under U.S. Code : Title 17 : Section 107. Everything else, including design and graphics, Copyright © 1996-2011 Joyce A. Rogers. All rights reserved.
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